


live like the undertow which catches and keeps stars spread across the night

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: hold my hand (i can hear the ghost calling) [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Child Abuse, Fluff, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Math and Science Metaphors, Science Experiments, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 20:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12779310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: The barest thought of an idea begins to grow from the time he is nine, expanded upon throughout his teenage years and cultivated throughout college. Tony wonders what could have stopped his father, could have stopped other kids like him from growing up like he did.Later, he returns to this idea.He looks at Sam’s family and tries to scrape together an idea of what made his husband kind, and brave, and strong. He looks at Clint and what pushed him to be the greatest in the land while still being humble. He looks at Bruce and how the doctor is so kind even while containing a monster within his body.-Tony Stark uses the entire world as the base for his experiment. How far can one person with endless resources change society? How much of an impact can one person have?The independent variable: how much money funneled into charities that never had enough resources before.Dependent variable: how big of a wave of change can be produced.-The very fabric of society quakes.





	live like the undertow which catches and keeps stars spread across the night

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Shine" by Shane Koyczan.

The first time Howard lays a hand on Tony, he is seven years old. Tony’s hands clench, tears well up in his eyes, and he goes running to his room.

The thirty-ninth time he does it, Tony is thirteen years old. He mutters, “Fuck off, old man,” and braces himself for another hit. He’s stopped caring about the pain.

The last time he does it, Tony is nineteen years old. He is holding his first doctoral degree in his hand. He stares his father in the eye and knows that he doesn't have to put up with this.

Tony leaves without a goodbye and his father dies the next day. 

 

Tony’s relationship with his father’s memory has always been a tenuous one.

 

When he meets Sam, when he starts to fall in love with him, Tony almost wishes that Howard was still alive. Not because he wants Sam to have to face his father’s insults- no, Tony wants to keep Sam as far away from his father’s vile words- but because he wishes he could see the look on Howard’s face when he realizes that his son is thinking of proposing to a black man. He wants to see Howard have to confront the bigoted bile he spouted all over his son. He wants to see Howard see a man he would have called  _ nigger _ , would have called  _ fag _ , marry his son.

But Howard’s dead, and to be honest Tony feels no grief.

 

When Maria Stark died, Tony cried. His mother may have turned a blind eye to Howard, but she loved Tony.

When Howard Stark died, Tony didn’t shed a single tear.

-

What truly makes a person bad? What truly makes them good?

What makes them human?

-

There are a great many things Tony experimented with in his time. Bionic limbs, for after he lost an organ of his own; wings, when he wanted others to get to fly like him; weapons, for destruction; solar panels, for renewal.

He begins to wonder how big an experiment could go.

-

There are a number of things a genius can try. All that restrains them is their conscience and their resources.

Tony has a conscience, of that there is no doubt. He cares about far more than Natasha does. He cares about people. He cares about the victims, and the survivors, and those who can't help themselves.

Abuse can change a person. Not make them evil, not without other factors involved, but change them. Give them new priorities.

And if you give people the resources they need, give them the billions they want to tear everything down- well, they can do anything.

-

He plays with Sam’s nieces and nephews, making them laugh. Georgia adores him.

What has he done to earn such a thing? What makes him different from his father, from the words and tears that burned, the slaps and put-downs that hurt?

-

The barest thought of an idea begins to grow from the time he is nine, expanded upon throughout his teenage years and cultivated throughout college. Tony wonders what could have stopped his father, could have stopped other kids like him from growing up like he did.

Later, he returns to this idea.

He looks at Sam’s family and tries to scrape together an idea of what made his husband kind, and brave, and strong. He looks at Clint and what pushed him to be the greatest in the land while still being humble. He looks at Bruce and how the doctor is so kind even while containing a monster within his body.

(He does not touch Natasha’s childhood. There are things that, for his own sanity, he should not delve into. He has a hard time recognizing these a lot of the time, but he does that here and now. Going down the road of what made Natasha more weapon than woman would probably trigger too many of his own fears.

Some things are terrifying for a reason.)

 

It gets frustrating. Human beings are so complicated.

Abuse turns a person sharp, but so does hard work. Laziness makes a person soft, but so does love. The cruelest people can be the smartest; the nicest can be fools. What is the difference? What tips the balance from good to bad?

What made Sam so easy to fall in love with? The answer proves elusive, even after they have been together for five years and married for four. The pieces seem to be there, entangled between superhero battles and kisses at four and grueling physical therapy and playing with nieces.

It would be so easy to quit, to just give up, but Tony has always been too curious for his own good.

-

“What if,” he asks in between kisses pressed to Sam’s neck, “There was a way to stop children from being abused? To stop abusers from returning to what they’ve been doing?”

“I’d say to do it,” Sam says, conviction rooted deep in his voice.

Tony smiles. “Then I will.”

“Good.”

-

Tony has seen the complaints on Twitter, on Facebook, on every sort of social networking site, that billionaires keep too much money to themselves.

He can’t fix this, but he wonders what would happen if he let go of everything, if he turned his pen into a syringe that would allow for transfusions for the money that would save as many lives as blood could.

 

Imagine:

An ad campaign to promote awareness of abuse. A flurry of websites for people worried about friends and family. A host of charities established to help victims of abuse.

More than just these, though- support also goes to anti-bigotry organizations. Anything to fight back against the type of hatred Howard Stark espoused, the kind of bias that still hurts millions of people.

Stark Industries pours billions into all of this. Tony writes blank check after blank check to these foundations, knowing that they’ll never be able to exhaust his wealth no matter how hard they try.

(And by god, does he want them to try. He wants them to grab every dollar he throws at them and use the money to make the world a better place.)

Tony wants to tear down bigotry, wants to destroy the institutions that protect racists and abusers and bigots. He wants to nuke every horrible, biased system.

Even a billionaire can’t do it all, but he can help as much as possible.

 

Tony Stark uses the entire world as the base for his experiment. How far can one person with endless resources change society? How much of an impact can one person have?

The independent variable: how much money funneled into charities that never had enough resources before.

Dependent variable: how big of a wave of change can be produced.

-

The very fabric of society quakes.

-

(Iron Man is only one part of Tony’s legacy. Peter Parker is another, with everything he’ll do to help the world. Stark Industries, producing bionic limbs and solar technology and irrigation systems, will be another. Falcon will be his and Sam’s together.

But this, this outpouring of support for the victims, and the families, and the survivors- this will be his greatest achievement.)

 

Tony wishes his father could be here to see what Tony did to spite him and the poison he tried to spew. Tony did not make weapons, did not create destruction; he created. He healed.

He is everything his father taught him not to be.

_ Merry Christmas, Father, and fuck you. _


End file.
